[Brain-storming session; three people in conference call. It has just been discovered that no one, not even the lead character, has a surname on record.]

EDITOR: So what about Derek?

MEG: Smalls.

EDITOR: What? Why?

MEG: I don’t know. It just popped in there.

[In the background, critique partner bursts out laughing, expelling air at an alarming rate, until left breathless and wheezing.]

MEG: What? What’s funny?

CRITIQUE PARTNER: (gasping) Google. Google Derek Smalls, once.

[Conference call is interrupted by soft staccato of resentful typing, followed by pause for search results. All groan.]

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