Help Wanted AUDIO

Congrats to our four giveaway winners!

These four lucky ladies won a complimentary copy of Help Wanted on


Ladies, check your inboxes. Codes have already been sent.

I would stick around and chat some more, but it’s already been one of those mornings. Like the one where it’s your middle kid’s birthday, so you get up at o’shit o’lock early to feed him a special breakfast because he is a bottomless… PIT. Then you know you’ll be out of the house for most of the day, so you get the birthday cake in the oven right-the-fuck away so you don’t forget. Then you find birthday-kid’s special-permission prom form that has to be signed by the principal (also right-the-fuck away) still sitting on your desk upstairs. Must race to school to visit principal’s office for a less-than-awful reason this time. And while you’re flying into your winter coat because it’s sucktastically cold outside, you discover — in the gooiest, clingiest way possible — that while making said cakes, you liberally splattered yourself with dark-chocolate cake batter.

So now you have to run downstairs to toss batter-covered hoodie (Yes, I’m fabulous) in the wash along with your winter coat. While you’re down there, remember that you forgot to end your giveaway. Run upstairs to the office. Kick baby cat out of the chair by tossing her favorite mouse toy across the room and watch her run into the wall, face first. Laugh maniacally, then pay for it seconds later while baby cat sinks its claws into the back of your head while killing both the toy mouse AND your sloppy pony tail from the back of your office chair.

And now, I’m off to the school. Or maybe to the nearest corner to cry a little.

Anyway, congrats, ladies! Everyone have a great Friday, and an even greater weekend.